Enjoy today, Mamma!

This was originally published at

https://youngandnewmoms.wordpress.com/2015/02/12/enjoy-today-mamma/

I have this little postcard stuck on my bathroom wall so that each time I surreptitiously sneak in to pee - darting away from the almost-4-year-old and almost-1-year-old - I emerge a better, patient version of my mommy self. Each time I recite a different phrase as I delicately dodge a toy farm animal lying here or a half chewed piece of the new helicopter lying under the chair, while glancing to check if one of the kids hasn't accidentally eaten the uncooked ball of dough lying in front of the toy dog.

Almost-4-year-old and almost-1-year-old.

Whoa.

Just how did they get to be so big? Kid 1 was a dolly handed to me- me- a blubbering mass of nerves and haywire hormones - and she clung to me (still does, falls asleep only while clutching my elbow) - fashioning me into the confident mom that I am today. Her birthdays have gone by in a blur- but her firsts - tooth/ vacation/ word/ walk are all preserved carefully in the labyrinths of my mind, aided by my able iphone.

They say one is more carefree with the second child and this couldn't be truer in my case. What she lost by virtue of arriving second, she makes up in cuteness. Her responses to my conversations with her leave me as amazed as the pride I feel when Kid1 uses long words like 'complicated' and 'fascinated' correctly. Each new milestone leaves me amazed as I wonder at this beautiful cherub I created.

And I realise it myself- I'm happy. My day may be filled with a seamless list of things to do as I flit from one chore to the next - but at the end of the day, when my creaking bones let out a long sigh of their own and I'm washed over by waves of exhaustion, I'm a happy tired. 

I'm a happy contented mum, willing to be a camera for all their lives - I only wish that my camera had more slow motion videos so I could enjoy today more! 

Mommy, Mommy!

Published in an online blog - youngandnewmoms.com - December 2014

https://youngandnewmoms.wordpress.com/2014/12/31/mommy-mommy/

I was blessed with my second daughter in April this year, a little short of my third birthday as a Mommy. Let me recount how, creating another human being is different and yet similar to the first time.

• You know the conversion of weeks and months and don’t spend all your time anxiously poring over ‘What to expect when you’re expecting’. The unwarranted advice continues (who doesn’t love to talk in India!?) but this time around you know (as opposed to first time guessing) and can politely fob off well meaning eager-to-guess-the-gender-relatives.

• Dietary restrictions are a thing of the first pregnancy. You eat all you want (healthy, of course) – without ascribing any twinge you may feel in the abdomen to the last piece of fried fish. If I hadn’t suffered from massive heartburn in the last trimester I’m sure I would’ve beaten Adam’s record in Man vs Food for downing the spiciest Vada Pao, as my fat waddly self craved for the highest level of pungent, chillies- infused Tabasco-bathed food.

• You are more confident of the changes happening to your body:

The fleshy stretch lines, the dark pigmentation patches, the temporary freckles on your face – they will all melt away just like those extra kilos – with simply breastfeeding – a fact you revel in as you dig into that sinful chocolate mousse!

• You start tanking up on your sleep unabashedly. I remember sleeping for three hours at a stretch with my elder daughter cuddled in my arms, blissfully snoring away the afternoon. I loved digging my chin into her shoulder, letting her soft curls brush against my face- the sound of her steady breathing- the best lullaby for me in the world.

Now, with a pre-schooler and an infant – it’s my daily challenge to get them to nap together so I can catch shut eye of twenty minutes!

• Sometimes, just sometimes, people take your 2nd time pregnant self for granted. 

The first time around is tricky. You are a tad apprehensive and so are people around you. But by the second trimester of the second child, people adopt a BTDT attitude. This may cause some frustrated tears but nothing that a good, big bar of your favourite chocolate and your preferred music won’t solve.

• Epidural doesn’t seem so bad. Who wants to go through double-digit hours of labour again?

The first time labour lasted 17 hours, the second time – 7 hours (by this statistic I’m tempted to have a third baby just to see how fast he’ll arrive). With an epidural, labour was not only relatively painless, it also turned out way shorter. I remember laughing on some silly doctor joke as they wheeled me into the delivery room. So much for remembering everything about birthing- experiencing the worst pain to twist your insides out – once is enough!

• You still can’t figure out if baby has fed enough, has latched properly or is hungry even after feeding for half an hour: 

Even the most experienced moms draw blanks when confronted with this question. Figuring out a child you’ve raised yourself is easy- you know what they want sometimes even before they ask for it, but a brand new human being? That takes time- and however many babies you may have, you will still feel puzzled by them till you get used to them.

• You know the difference between diaper changing mat, receiving sheet, cot sheet… With their correct usage!

Yes, newborns have their own world populated by all things small and beautiful. From the knowledge gleaned through your firstborn you can arrange the nursery faster and better than your local kiddie shop without fumbling over different types of ‘sheets’!

• You can actually bathe your newborn yourself: even if it is in the baby support!

There are a whole host of other things too, obvious things that I may have missed- things like pregnancy brain (you’re too busy with your toddler to forget anything), aches and pains (your toddler being the best medicine) and ubiquitous doctor visits (where the focus is more on jokes than the check-up) – which are food for another post.

And when the infant and toddler meet each other for the first time, or when infant realises that the toddler is her best friend and ally for life- is yet another interesting read.

Till then, Mommies, keep your spirits high.

Cheers to 2015!

If Only

Published in Muse India, an online literary journal - February 2014

http://www.museindia.com/regularcontent.asp?issid=49&id=4209

She checked the time on her expensive mother-of-pearl, diamond-studded Rolex yet again with an outward sigh. 'Damn,' she thought to herself, 'Varun will scold me again for being late - and I thought being late was the first hallmark of a successful socialite,' as she plastered another smile at the lady behind the counter - indicating her urge for speed.

As she was ushered into the innards of the sophisticated parlour for a routine manicure, she couldn't help but noticing the beautiful beautician who had been assigned to her - her regular being caught up, on such short notice. Her skin was flawlessly white and she had dark smoky eyes, achieved with smudging kohl - an effect not unknown to her - for hadn't she done it herself on numerous occasions with the built in smudge effect of the expensive eyeliner she used? - but she saw that the beautician's eyes looked far more pretty, far more real than her oft-made up eyes. Her hands were as clean as cotton - nails trimmed and filed down, while her own stood out like sharp red talons in contrast, the years of nail polish and buffing showing in all their pinkness while hers were fresh, young and so clean. 

As the young beautician started scrubbing, she couldn't help but think how much she was putting in to save her marriage to Varun which seemed dwindling precariously by the thin thread of the production company they jointly owned. From spa rejuvenation therapies in order to make herself irresistible in front of all those nubile young women who were perennially waiting outside their office in hopes of a plum role to various Botox diets, she had done everything. And yet..., Varun seemed distant, haughty, too caught up in the heady success that their company was celebrating today. 

[She is so beautiful. Her watch alone must be worth lakhs of rupees – lakhs! If only I had a few thousands to save my home from being taken away from us! The end of the month seems near. Where will we go when he throws us out? Bharti Masi? Alok Chacha? But they stay in one-room homes too... Where will we go, oh God? What will we do? Oh no...! What have I done... that she stood up?] 

The bubbles of the scrubbing tray fell in an ominous puddle on her silk dress and she groaned inwardly. This was a gift from Varun - and she couldn't help noticing how deftly the beautician wiped away the small pool of water and brought out a hair dryer to erase the soap marks. Waving off the small group of onlookers including the worried cashier, the girl settled down again for the other hand, apologising profusely. It doesn't matter, she thought to herself. No one will notice me - or this stain. Varun will be too busy with the others, laughing, chatting... 

[Such a beautiful silk dress! It reminds me of the new dresses Amma got for us at Diwali when Baba had a job. Now even Dada is struggling to bring in regular money. They only have me and this steady income. I hope this nice lady tips me well. I can buy some sweets with it today. She has such tapered lovely fingers - like an artist. I wonder if she is one herself...!] 

Yes, an artist. Varun was an artist, a smooth talking con man, having drugged her with his salt-n-pepper hair, aquiline nose and strong muscular jaw, wooing her over buckets of roses and strings of candlelit dinners. It all had seemed so perfect then - just like the perfect half moons on her pink nails which were being gently teased back by the young beautician to reveal soft pink nails underneath. 

[I have managed to complete the maximum number of jobs today too. I have about two hundred in tips today. If she gives me fifty, I will be able to put away those two hundred towards the payment and take home some sweets for Amma. It's been so long since we have had any treat in our home. It's always money or the lack of it... Tomorrow I will leave home half-hour early so I can take on more clients. More time here means more money.] 

'Now if only Varun would spend more time with me than money'... she thought absently as the beautician rubbed some fragrant moisturiser into her soft hands to complete the manicure, thinking of the few amorous massages that had fizzled out, like their marriage, a few months earlier. She banished the thought that since the time a particularly beautiful brunette had joined their company as an accountant, Varun always had some business and finances to take care of, lasting well into early dawn!

[Her hands look like a fairy's. She's so white and her skin glows so transparent. She was my best client today - not even creating any fuss when I dropped the soapy water on her. What an angel!] 

Yes, only God and her senses could save her now, thinking of the monthly visit to the temple that she had recently started undertaking. It was a feeble attempt to stop her husband from straying, but it gave her immense inner peace. 

'Thanks so much,' she said, finishing up the manicure by folding two crisp hundred rupee notes into her hand, gratefully looking into the young beautician's eyes, and seeing nothing but emptiness there. 

[Two hundred rupees! Now I can save double my budget today. Maybe I can get a new saree for Amma - she has only two... what a nice kind lady! May God give her all she wants!] 

And she stepped out into her waiting car, flashing her best smile in readiness for Varun - the smile which reached only to her eyes because her heart was bleeding inside, praying that God would give her true happiness and attention from Varun, if only for a day!